It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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