Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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