I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
