there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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