The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
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I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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