I just made out with a guy for $7.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
