I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this just has baby written all over it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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