if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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