I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
