Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
