I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
