I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize