You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
