Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
