i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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