she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
