you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
