HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
