At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Everything about him screamed your future.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
