Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
