There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
