So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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