come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
