my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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