Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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