Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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