somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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