Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
