she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
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Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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