Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm passing your future prison.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
