just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
