you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
