Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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