So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary