P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.