peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.