The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
