i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My pussy is not your playground.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
