I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
