Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
