Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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