First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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