I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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