Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize