the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
