oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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