oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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