After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
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It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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