I think my vagina is haunted
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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