tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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