If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Someone signed my nipple.
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