I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
