She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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