It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
