Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it hurts more in the daytime
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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