What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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