Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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