My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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