She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
