so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
