On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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