im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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