maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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