every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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