She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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