you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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